Etiquette experts do not agree on all questions. I have already discussed the discrepancy between German and international seating arrangements — which exclusively concerns whether the guest of honor sits to the right (international) or left (German) of the hostess — in the article on seating arrangements.

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Now, the focus is on the wish 'Bon Appétit!' All etiquette guides deem this wish inappropriate; a small survey showed me that this is particularly true in aristocratic circles, which interpret etiquette rules very strictly. However, this wish was not expressed even in my thoroughly middle-class childhood home. What my mother said instead (besides 'sit up straight!', perhaps also 'Enjoy your meal') I cannot recall.

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A number of rather flimsy arguments have been put forward in support of this ban. The only one that convinces me is that only the hostess is justified in wishing her guests “Enjoy your meal,” since it is her food. It is, after all, almost a bit presumptuous for guests to hope that the hostess herself will enjoy the food she has cooked or at least served.

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Even at the Federal President's state banquet

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Nevertheless, the custom of everyone saying “Enjoy your meal” has become widespread. Even at state banquets hosted by the Federal President, which take place at tables of eight or ten—where a member of the Office of the Federal President usually sits as the host’s representative—some guests said “Enjoy your meal” to me and the others when they saw that the Federal President’s table had begun to eat.

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I didn’t turn up my nose at this, but replied with a “Thank you, likewise” or simply the customary “Enjoy your meal.” I did this despite having been raised otherwise, because it not only signaled the start of the meal for our table—which I presided over, so to speak, as the host—but also because these words had a unifying effect. Without them, the meal would have begun in a somewhat stilted, perhaps even slightly uncertain manner. “Enjoy your meal” provided clarity.

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Purists: Spoiling the Appetite

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In the past, a table prayer was said before meals, which briefly united everyone sitting around the table and indicated with 'Blessed Meal' that one could begin eating. From my perspective, today's 'Bon Appétit' serves exactly the same unifying function, albeit in a secular form. And is therefore actually a lovely custom, even if purists might find fault with it. But that doesn't matter; the unifying aspect is more important. This is where I differ from other etiquette literature.

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"Enjoy your meal" is not to be confused with "Mahlzeit," which, apart from "Blessed meal," is probably rarely used privately. This concise word is, however, regularly tossed your way by complete strangers when you're walking the long corridors of a public office between 11:00 AM and 3:00 PM, not necessarily on your way to the canteen. How should one react? Saying nothing can, with some justification, be seen as unfriendly. The reply "I wish you a good meal too" is too long and would likely fade unheard. You have no choice but to respond with a hearty "Mahlzeit" if you don't want to be considered arrogant.

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"Mahlzeit!" and the Feelings of Connection

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You can even really get used to it, because this expression, even if you're not even thinking about food, has something liberating about it and lets you forget the mountains of paperwork in the office for three seconds. So don’t hold back: shout “Mahlzeit!,” and you’ll see that a strange sense of connection sets in.

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“Mahlzeit” is a bit like saying “Hello” when you meet someone on a hiking trail in the Bavarian Alps. I find it uncomfortable to follow oncoming hikers with my eyes but pass them by without a greeting. I’ll say “Hello” or “Good day,” feel more at ease, and think the other person is a bit of a dullard if they don’t respond; women, by the way, are much more communicative than men in this regard.

Silent Hikers in the Mountains

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Silent hikers are usually tourists who haven't yet detached themselves from "city mode," perhaps from the more reserved north of Germany. In contrast, a "Grüß Gott" is lovely and shows that you've settled in; a "Grüezi," however, suggests that you imagine yourself to be in the Swiss Alps.

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The most practical option, however, is the crisp “Servus.” It is actually quite polite. Anyone who had to cram Latin vocabulary in school knows that servus means “slave,” so the greeting revives the archaic “your servant” (without most people realizing or intending it).

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Sneezing as a Divine Sign

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To my surprise, even saying “Bless you!” when someone sneezes is frowned upon by many authors of etiquette literature. The reason given is that one should not comment on other people’s bodily sounds. In the case of a few people who immediately come to mind, I agree wholeheartedly. But in my opinion, sneezing does not belong in the category of sounds one should be ashamed of. I even consider classifying sneezing in this way to be completely uncivilized. For the ancient Greeks, sneezing was considered a sign of good luck.

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This can be read in Xenophon’s “Anabasis,” the “March of the Ten Thousand.” When the rebellious Prince Cyrus was inspecting his forces alongside the Greek mercenaries, one of them sneezed. “Zeus is with us,” was everyone’s reaction (wrongly, as it turned out later). But sneezing was considered a positive divine sign; there was no reason to ignore it.

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Pleasurable and Empathetic

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Those who don’t want to look to the ancient Greeks might recall Hauff’s fairy tale “Zwerg Nase.” This poor fellow had been bewitched and transformed by a sorcerer into a small, hunchbacked figure with a huge nose. But he was a gifted cook. As such, he saved a particularly beautiful goose from the cooking pot. It turned out that she was the sorcerer’s daughter, who had been enchanted by an enemy of her father—the very sorcerer who had transformed him. She recalled that a herb, to be picked on a full moon night under a specific tree, could reverse Zwerg Nase’s enchantment. He picked it at the specified time and place. It worked. The herb was called “Niesmitlust.” Apparently, sneezing had positive connotations even 200 years ago and even had a pleasurable aspect to it, as the use of snuff demonstrated.

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Let no one tell me that sneezing is something ignoble and not rooted in our culture! The wish "Gesundheit" (Bless you!) after a sneeze is, rather, an expression of beautiful human empathy, not a reference to a vulgar bodily sound. Do not believe the prevailing opinion that one should refrain from offering this beautiful wish.

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