As a child, after Christmas, my mother would make me write thank-you notes to my uncles and aunts for their Christmas gifts—and I had to do so without making any spelling mistakes. That kept me busy for quite a while. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I got used to it.

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Today, two generations later, it seems to me that thanking for gifts has gone somewhat out of fashion. That’s a shame, because some gift-givers, who chose their gift with loving thoughts for the recipient, now don’t know whether their gift arrived or how it was received. They may therefore decide to skip giving a gift next year, either with a shrug or for educational reasons. That would be a shame, especially since the recipient surely was happy about the gift and—as is usually the case with children—simply forgot, or perhaps was too shy or too lazy to say thank you.

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Notoriously ungrateful…

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Perhaps the gift-giver will even ask whether the package arrived at all—an awkward situation for both parties. How much nicer it would be if parents still insisted that their children say thank you for gifts. It doesn’t have to be the flawless, neatly handwritten thank-you note of my youth, although that would certainly be appropriate for large gifts. But even a phone call, an email, or a WhatsApp message would be good for everyone involved and would reflect the warm feelings that bind them. When children are still young, that’s the right time to get them used to it. Once they’re adults, they’ll hardly learn it anymore and will be viewed by those around them as notoriously ungrateful and ill-mannered.

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A matter of manners and character

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So here’s my advice: Say thank you for every gift. It’s not just a matter of good manners, but also a sign of kindness. This doesn’t apply only to Christmas gifts. Even after a dinner party, hosts are happy when their guests call or write in the next few days to thank them for the lovely meal and the lively conversation.

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A “thank you” is also appropriate in other contexts. In Germany, a compliment—whether about one’s appearance, the food, or a good deed—is often awkwardly met with a “Oh, no, not at all!” Yet we all enjoy hearing compliments. Just say “Thank you!” like the Anglo-Saxons do, regardless of whether the compliment is true or not, and everyone will be happy.

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Accept invitations with gratitude

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After all, when dining out with friends, there are sometimes arguments about who gets to pay for everyone’s meal. No sooner does someone say, “I’ll treat you all today—consider yourselves my guests!” than you hear, “But you can’t do that!” or “I can’t accept that!” That really kills the mood. If someone also has to fight to be allowed to spend their hard-earned money on others, they quickly lose the joy of doing so. That doesn’t serve anyone.

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So accept the invitation with gratitude, provided it doesn’t violate any compliance rules or make you feel obligated, and remember the generous gesture so you can return it when the opportunity arises.

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