As always, Christmas was once again a time for family celebrations, but also for formal invitations. For many, it's a real challenge to decide whether to have a seating plan, and if so, what kind.

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If close or extended family is visiting, “free seating” applies. In other words, everyone can sit wherever they like at the table. The hosts only create a seating arrangement if they specifically want to seat people who rarely see each other, get along particularly well, are currently going through similar professional or personal experiences, share common interests, or—in an international setting—speak the same language.

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When in doubt, the international seating arrangement applies

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But what if you’re inviting a boss who’s particular about formalities? In that case, you should arrange the seating order by rank. The boss’s wife or the female boss herself should sit to the right of the host, and the boss or the female boss’s husband to the right of the hostess. This is because the seat to one’s right is the seat of honor, whether you’re sitting or walking. This is the international seating order, and you should follow it when in doubt.

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Where the German Seating Arrangement Makes More Sense

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Despite a small problem. According to the (old) German seating arrangement, the guest of honor sits to the left of the hostess to pay her honor; she is his table companion. That is why the German seating arrangement makes more sense.

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According to international table etiquette, the guest of honor is expected to entertain not only the hostess on his left but also the lady seated next to him on his right. But never mind: logic doesn’t always prevail. The international seating arrangement is used most often. It strictly follows the rule “The guest of honor sits on the right.” Not only is this easier to remember, but we’re also becoming more international and occasionally have foreign guests who are familiar with it.

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Better to be flexible than dogmatic

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If someone complains about their seating arrangement, you have a good explanation by referring to international table etiquette. But don’t be dogmatic; stay flexible. If you know that the social circle you’re in follows German table etiquette, then adapt to it.

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German table etiquette is also used in Austria and the Scandinavian countries. In the latter, the question of who is the guest of honor becomes particularly relevant because a thank-you speech is expected from that person after the meal. Is it the gentleman to the hostess’s left (local table etiquette), or the one to her right? If you don’t know the other person, the only way to answer this question is to look for gray hair and estimate their age.

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But enjoy such occasions. And getting the seating order wrong isn’t the end of the world. Especially since you’ll always have a good explanation for why yours is the correct one.

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